Leslie Bosch, PhD | leslie@boschintegrativewellness.com | 520-595-0544
36 QUESTIONS FOR INCREASING CLOSENESS
HOW TO DO IT
1. Identify someone with whom you’d like to become closer. It could be someone you know well or someone
you’re just getting to know or anyone you want to feel close to including family members, friends, and
acquaintances. Before trying it, make sure both you and your partner are comfortable with sharing personal
thoughts and feelings with each other.
2. Find a time when you and your partner have at least 45 minutes free.
3. For 15 minutes, take turns asking one another the questions in Set I below. Each person should answer each
question, but in an alternating order, so that a different person goes first each time.
4. After 15 minutes, move on to Set II, even if you haven’t yet finished the Set I questions. Then, spend 15 minutes
on Set II, following the same system.
5. After 15 minutes on Set II, spend 15 minutes on Set III. (Note: Each set of questions is designed to be more
probing than the previous one. The 15-minute periods ensure that you spend an equivalent amount of time at
each level of self-disclosure).
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years
of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you
want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now
living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? (continued)
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?