PowerPoint Presentation

Effective Technical Writing Elements

Paul Park

1-5-2016

Technical Writing Fault Classes

• Sloppy

• Pompous

• Advertising Copy

Sloppy Example

AIAA 2012-4161 original text

Introduction

Many challenges have to be overcome in order to enable sustained hypersonic flights. Among

these, the management of heat loads and of surface temperatures has to be mentioned. The

viscous dissipation of the high enthalpy flow across the hypersonic boundary layer can increase

the flow temperature to levels that exceed the thermo-mechanical limits the available materials.

The surface temperatures can be further increased by the interaction of the dissociated flow with

the vehicle’s surface. Neither current carbon nor ceramic-based materials are able to sustain the

generated extreme surface temperatures for long exposure times. In addition, high pick heat

fluxes are particularly dangerous even if characterized by small characteristic times, due to the

material’s spallation phenomenon. In this harsh environment, the cooling of the exposed

structure, (i.e., surfaces exposed to external flows as well as internal flows as those typical of the

combustor of a scramjet engine) is a stringent requirement. The transpiration cooling technique

allows for a decrease in the heat flux at the wall through the issuing of coolant fluid from a

porous material into the boundary layer. Furthermore, the issuing phenomenon near the wall

generates a protective layer of coolant which favorably acts on preventing active oxidation

phenomena that are known to quickly deteriorate the TPS when particular combinations of

elevated temperatures and low partial pressures of oxygen occur.

222 words

Pompousese Example

excerpt from the Office of Naval Research Naval Science and

Technology Strategic Plan as quoted in the June 2012 issue of

Aerospace America (page 33).

“Central to achieving that vision is the development of a

distributed system of heterogeneous unmanned systems relying

on networkcentric, decentralized control that is flexible in its

level of autonomy, with the ability to get the right level of

information to the right echelon at the right time. This may

include defeating asymmetric and emerging threats via

persistent and stealthy distributed large-area presence,

stimulation of suspect entities, and disruption and deception of

potential hostiles.”

Advertising Copy Example

Focused execution is key to the success in so many of

Eagleworks efforts. “Our focus on prioritization has

allowed us to schedule efforts without having to forego

any major milestones” said Joe Schmoe, Director of

Eagleworks. “We have laid out a 10 year plan on the

continual advancement of technologies that map into

our products with dual purpose funding aligned to this

roadmap. This commitment to funding our entire

technology development will ensure the maturation

and transition to a full program platform.”

Presentation Objective

• At the end of this session, the participant will

be exposed to techniques for writing in a clear

and succinct style

Introduction

• Technical Writing Purpose: Communicate

with a reader to produce a desired result

– Proposal – Reader determines proposed

offering is the best choice

– Report – Reader achieves understanding of

subject design/effort for later use

– Process – Reader achieves understanding of

required actions

The Reader Rules

Introduction

Writing is Fundamentally Different From

Conversation

speaker

listener

• body language

• questions

Real-Time Feedback

•words

•intonation

•phrasing

•gestures

writer

reader

•organization

•words

•figures

Feedback Delayed or Non-existent

Different Tools, Different Feedback

•organization

Introduction

Writing Must be Tested to Simulate Feedback

writer

test reader

•organization

•words

•figures

editing

You Never Get it Right the First Time

Effective Technical Writing

Features

– Understandable

– Unambiguous

– Data-Rich

– Grammatically correct

– Minimal

Every Word a Jewel

Technical Writing Sentence Types

Technical Writing Sentences Either:

1. Describe something the author (or authors or

team) did, is doing, or plans to do

2. Describe results, features, plans, or

techniques of the design, analysis, test, or

process

Sentences are Usually Linked to a

Document Figure

Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

• Active Voice: subject acts (via a verb) on an

object

• Passive Voice: subject is acted upon by a

noun, usually unidentified

– The team calculated the drag of the aircraft.

(Active)

– The drag of the aircraft was calculated by the

team. (Passive)

• Technical writing often uses the same

subject – passive voice is chosen to avoid

restatement

Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

• Passive voice problems:

– Long sentences

– Results separated from actions

– More opportunity for grammar errors

• Active Voice Benefits

– Shorter, livelier sentences – reader sees an action

performed

• Relieve monotony of same subject by allowing

change of person – alternate from third person (e.g.

company name, design team) to first person (we)

• Suggest ratio of one passive-voice sentence for every

two active-voice sentences

Active vs Passive Voice Example

Part of the initial design steps, after choosing the airfoil and getting its

resulting Cl, included choosing a range of desired aircraft

weights. Using these estimated ranges, a range of wing areas was

determined that could satisfy the requirements. The operating ranges

were then narrowed down and iterated until workable values were

obtained. Once the required wing area was known, along with the

taper ratio, the chord dimensions were chosen.

After selecting the airfoil, the design team established a desired

weight range for the aircraft. Using these weights and the Cl value of

our airfoil as inputs, we calculated wing areas that provided the lift

needed to achieve the takeoff requirement. We iterated this analysis

and selected a wing area. The team then selected a taper ratio and

established the chord dimensions.

Fewer Words, Livelier Reading, Improved Communication

• Original -

• Edited using active voice verbs (underlined)

Simple Tenses

• Problem: Technical writing describes both work

performed and resulting designs or data – past and

present get mixed up

• Solution:

– When describing the design or data development

process, write in the past tense

– When describing the features of the design, design

process results, or data results, use present tense (e.g.

the data show, not the data showed).

– Exception: when describing a feature that was

subsequently changed, past tense is appropriate.

Simple Tenses

• Limit using past perfect, present perfect,

and conditional tenses, as they add

words.

• Instead of - Use -

has been, have been was

would be is

The fuselage is a simple cylindrical structure constructed from the EPP

foam. It is permanently attached to the tail boom and will house the

payload. This cylindrical structure was chosen for its aerodynamics and

ease of construction. It has been positioned below the wing and centered

on the center of gravity so that the addition of the payload weights doesn’t

disturb the center of gravity (CG) positioning. The payload itself will consist

of lead bars cut to the length of the fuselage.

Simple Tenses Example

• Original - Present, past, present perfect, and future

tenses used:

A cylindrical fuselage constructed from EPP foam is permanently attached

to the tail boom. The cylindrical structure was selected for its desirable

aerodynamics and ease of construction. The fuselage, which carries the

payload, is positioned below the wing on the projected center of gravity (CG)

to minimize CG shift with payload addition. The payload consists of lead

bars cut to the length of the fuselage.

Reader Knows What Was and What Is

• Edited – present and past tenses used

Simple Tenses – Proposal Document

When discussing work planned for the contract

effort (in response to RFP paragraphs)

– Use future tense

o Example – Company A/The team/We will perform the

following tasks…

– In describing how the tasks will be performed the

process is described in the present tense

o Example – Company A will perform this task using the

process described in Figure X.XX. The first step gives

the team information…. The second step provides

insight that is used to optimize… Using this process, the

team completes design cycles in less than three weeks.

Only Essential Words

• Eliminate unnecessary adjectives - examples:

We incorporated needed changes (vs. unneeded?)

We made maximum use of (vs minimum?)

• Eliminate duplicate phrases – example:

Original – two sets of duplicate words

Additionally, fuel burn has little effect on the center of gravity

as well (less than a quarter of an inch shift).

Edited –

Fuel burn shifts the center of gravity less than 0.25-in.

Only Essential Words

• Eliminate introductory phrases – examples:

now that from the start to go about this

simply the next step from this that

Original –

Now that the type of wing that was going to be built was

selected, the next step was to select the airfoil that would be

used. To go about this, research was conducted on different

types of airfoils through various airfoil databases. During the

search a program called Profili was discovered.

Edited –

With the wing configuration selected, we then evaluated airfoil

options. We researched airfoil databases and found a program

called Profili.

Concise Wording Examples

Wordy Concise

Is representative of typifies

is clear that clearly

at the present time now

kept under surveillance watched

made an investigation of investigated

notwithstanding the fact that although

on account of because

on the basis of by

along the lines of like

pertaining to about

pursuant to following

separate into two equal parts halve

take appropriate measures act

in the majority of instances usually

Concise Wording Examples – cont.

Wordy Concise

for the purpose of for or to

from the point of view for

in accordance with by or under

in addition (to) also or besides

in close proximity near

in excess of more than

in conjunction with with

in many cases often

with respect to about or concerning

in the absence of without

in the event that should or if

introduced a new introduced

in view of the fact that considering or because

In order to to

Talk Technical

• Do not use adjectives or adverbs to quantify a topic

– Adjectives are subject to interpretation

– Gives impression of not knowing specifics

• Examples (DO NOT USE)

large (ly) severalgreat (ly)

(in) significant (ly)some minimal (ly)

extensive (ly) a few

gradual (ly) low/high level of

many (very) good

excellent (ly) numerous

• State a value or range of values, an order of magnitude, or a

percentage. This provides the reader the quantitative

perspective of the data comparison

• Adjectives with quantifiable meaning are acceptable

– Examples: (for a defined set) maximum/minimum,

least/greatest, and majority/minority

Talk Technical Example

The C-95 provides a SAR platform with exceptional flight-range and

response-time capability for a true rescue capability. The C-95’s unique

ability to conduct search and recovery may substantially reduce the total

time to bring survivors to medical attention as well as reduce the number of

assets required for mission support and execution.

Better:

The C-95 provides a SAR platform with both range and response-time

capability plus a rescue capability. The C-95’s unique ability to conduct long-

range search and recovery reduces the total time to bring survivors to

medical attention and reduces the number of assets required to execute SAR

missions.

Best:

The C-95 provides a SAR platform with range and response-time capability

plus a rescue capability. The C-95’s unique ability to conduct long-range

search and recovery reduces the total time to bring survivors to medical

attention by 30-50%, and reduces the number of assets required to execute

SAR missions by over 50%.

Avoid Using Nouns from Verbs

• Eliminate nouns from verbs (ment, tion, al, – state a condition of an

action occurring)

– Examples: measurement, substantiation, removal

– Often used in passive voice sentences

– Usually followed by the word “of”

• Restructure sentence to use the verb form - sentences are more direct,

use fewer words

Original -

Measurement of the aerodynamic forces acting on the model was

accomplished by use of a three-component balance

Edited –

The aerodynamic forces acting on the model were measured with a three-

component balance

Or….

We used a three-component balance to measure the aerodynamic forces

on the model.

Or…

We measured the aerodynamic forces on the model with a three-

component balance

Avoid Nouns from Verbs continued

• Avoid the noun-verb-noun morphing trap

– Noun – priority – an item of importance relative to others

– Verb – prioritize - the act of setting priorities

– Noun – prioritization – the process of setting priorities

• Creates stilted sentences (pompous or unduly formal)

Original -

Prioritization of candidate options was needed to fit the task to the budget

Edited–

Prioritizing the candidate options was necessary to fit the task to the budget.

Or….

We needed to prioritize candidate options to scope the task to the budget.

Or….

We needed to set priorities for the candidate options to scope the task to the

budget

• PS - DO NOT USE Definitization!

Danger Flag

any sentence containing …ment of,

…ation of, …..ization of

•Editing Opportunity!

– Try substituting the …ing version of the root verb

(as a present participle or gerund)

– Try changing the sentence to use the verb form

or the original noun form

Example – Substituting “ing”

In this new role, Bryan will be responsible for the identification and

implementation of quality improvements and their integration into

process design. He will oversee the development of processes and

systems to improve production and delivery of products based on

building capability and will be responsible for the research and

development of interfaces for future state inspection technologies.

In this new role, Bryan will be responsible for leading his team in

identifying and implementing quality improvements and integrating

them into process design. He will lead process and system

development efforts aimed at improving production and product

delivery, and will be responsible for developing interfaces for future-

state inspection technologies.

Avoid

• Ensure

– DO NOT USE when referring to a outcome–

Engineering is not that certain!

– Merriam Webster: to make sure, certain, or safe:

GUARANTEE… “may imply a virtual guarantee”

– Substitute: Provide

– OK to use if referring to accomplishing a task or

executing a process – if a guarantee is inferred

o Otherwise describe the action to be taken vs.

the claimed result (e.g. validate, confirm,

review)

Avoid

• Focus

– Used as a substitute for several nouns, adjectives, and verbs –overused

– Multiple uses blurs meaning in a sentence so the reader interprets as a “feel-

good” statement without specific meaning

– Alternatives to focus:

o Noun (e.g. the focus of our investigation…)

– priority - attention

– emphasis - effort

– subject

o Adjective (e.g. a focused effort dealing with)

– concentrated

– defined

– specific

o Verb (e.g. it will focus on…)

- concentrate - examine

- deal (with) - emphasize

- target (ed) - cover

- apply (focused its efforts to….vs. applied its efforts to)

Examples

Checklist

Use Active Voice

Use Simple Tenses

Use Only Essential

Words

Talk Technical

Avoid Using Nouns from Verbs

Avoid the Words Ensure and

Focus

Edited Sloppy example

Introduction

Hypersonic flight creates heat loads and resulting surface temperatures that

challenge hypersonic vehicle designers. Hypersonic boundary layers are

characterized by viscous dissipation of high-enthalpy flows and by dissociated

flow interaction with vehicle surfaces, which together can create steady-state

flow temperatures exceeding thermo-mechanical limits of available materials.

In addition, even short-duration peak heat fluxes can spall surface materials.

Therefore, hypersonic vehicle designers use cooling techniques for exposed

structures (surfaces exposed to external flow or scramjet engine combustor

flow). One technique, transpiration cooling, issues coolant fluid through a

porous material into the boundary layer to 1) decrease the heat flux at the

wall and 2) generate a protective layer of coolant to reduce surface oxidation,

a concern for C-C/SiC- based materials.

121 vs 222 words

Edited Pompousese Example

Suggested Edit

“A key task in achieving this vision is developing a distributed

network of heterogeneous unmanned systems relying on

networkcentric, decentralized control that is flexible in its level

of autonomy, and is able to get the right level of information to

the right echelon at the right time. These systems can defeat

asymmetric and emerging threats via 1)having persistent and

stealthy distributed large-area presence, 2)stimulating suspect

entities, and 3)disrupting and deceiving potential hostiles.”

Edited Advertising Copy Example

“Setting priorities allows us to schedule efforts to meet

all major milestones” said Joe Schmoe, Director of

Eagleworks. “We developed a 10-year roadmap for

advancing technologies that map into our products,

and we aligned funding to this roadmap. The roadmap

funds technology development through flight

demonstration.”

44 vs 81 words